irony

after you left, friends would ask, as if the answer would comfort me, "was there anything wrong with him?" and i thought about it thinking surely there was something i disliked yet put aside... "nothing... everthing was great." i'd respond. i was honest. i could never think of a thing until now. you don't care as much as i do. it's no ones fault just the way things are. kharma possibly. you hesitate and i don't. i'm ready to give everything and you push me away. one month for every three. and it kills me. you've got me more scared than ever before.

i know he would always do anything for me. do whatever he could to make me happy, but it scares me that someone cares that much about me. he knows more about me than most and he still lingers. why wouldn't i just take that? what's wrong with that? someone willing to do whatever they can to keep you and please you? thats all i've ever asked from anyone else.

maybe it hurts so bad because i know exactly how you feel... what you want you can't have, and what wants you you're scared of. i'm your book on the shelf and i can't do that to him anymore. it's best to let him forget.

positive polly

'a blog created to keep up with the projects and doodles of a wanna-be fashion student'

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http://rachelwaylan.blogspot.com

this will slip into the sea

twenty eleven

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams." - Eleanor Roosevelt








this new year, for me, means ambition.


am·bi·tion [am-bish-uhn] -noun 1. an earnest desire for some type of achievement or distinction, as power, honor, fame, or wealth, and the willingness to strive for its attainment.


so much planned for this year. beginning with a new blog to track my progress.

so caught up

lunar eclipse on a cloudy night
70 degrees on the first day of winter

that's my life... wrong place, wrong time. it's the winter solstice and all i can think is how much i miss july. trying so hard to be happy with what i'm given; with what's right in front of my face, but it's hard to be satisfied after being somewhere so much greater.

you're putting everyone to shame.

it's funny to see how i've grown and a changed over the years. still slightly a mess and in progress, but so far from where i've been. i'm realizing how strong i am and i'm setting so many new goals with such high hopes. i imagine 10 years from now i'll look back and feel even more a stranger to who i am now.


{But what do you do when you're out of touch, what do you do?
And how do you live with a conscience so caught up, how do you live?}