in the midst of winter, i found there was, within me, and invincible summer.

woke up and walked through downtown in the cold and remembered just how much i love this season. it's like the chill in the air brings everyone closer.

ice skating is in my near future.

'cause we can give it time, so much time

"To be interested in the changing seasons is a happier state of mind than to be hopelessly in love with spring." -George Santayana

i've always liked the idea of comparing life to the changing of seasons or feelings to waves in an ocean. things are always up and down and back and forth. in the past, it's been hard for me to accept those changes and not let them shake up my world. i've always been hopelessly in love with spring.

sometimes i think the key is to hold oneself back, to not let those highs get to high, but i've never been good at that either and what a sad way to live. afraid of the fall.

Say this is it
Don't say maybeDon't say no
Don't say hold onDon't say slow
Don't say next timeDon't say when
Don't say later
No, don't say then

Yeah, this is it
Don't be cautiousDon't think twice
Don't play it safeDon't put on ice
Don't chew it over
No, don't kick it around
Don't wait and seeDon't try to work it out

So don't tell me
It could all go wrong

No don't tell me
It could all be a mess

Oh, don't tell me
It could all be a waste of time

or you'll never know...

not the first, and not the worst

i could stay here, but i need a place to think. i need to get away, to be alone. i hate letting the people i know the best see me at my worst sometimes. maybe because i feel like it's getting old. and if you dont know me, you'll just assume i'm having a bad day. you won't know that this is a common thing.

and i hope you know it's not you, it's me.

but just my luck downtown is dead tonight. not near enough distractions. i swear there's a couples-only party by the river tonight or someone finding humor in jabbing fingers into my wounds. they seem so content like they've found everything they've been looking for. part of me feels sorry that they don't realize how fragile their situation is, yet i envy their blissful unawareness with every bone in my body.

you'd think by now i wouldn't be so easily swept up.
but when i'm happy im, oh so, happy.


i keep trying to focus on the bright side, at least someone new managed to bring my guard down; to let myself be so vulnerable. and experience tells me one day i won't even remember how this felt; what it was like to know you that way.


and i'm burning the only bridges left standing tonight;
desperate and wreckless.

tonight i'm wrapped up in the arms of a distraction, but all it's doing is reminding me that i'd much rather be some place else.

it's not you. it really has nothing to do with you. i'm just entirely disfunctional. but, again, somehow every hurt seems more painfull than the last and, honestly, i'm just tired. it feels like i'm running in circles; i'm sick of ending up here and , yes, maybe it's normal, but maybe i'm not cut out for it.


i feel as if i may never get this right.

"i wish i had said more."

où en sommes-nous, vous et moi?

quiet little monsters creep into my head i'll fall for you i'll fall for you i'll fall for you i'll fall...

when once you had believed it,

now you see it's sucking you in
to string you along with the pretense...

Cloud, block out the sun

Over me, over me

And spoil, spoil all the fun

Won’t you please

i'm anxious and in the dark.

c'mon, shed some light on me.

hoping for the best, yet half expecting the worst.