i really think i hate you.

"Hope is not pretending that troubles don't exist. It is the trust that they will not last forever that hurts will be healed and difficulties overcome. It is faith that a source of strength and renewal lies within to lead us through the dark to the light."

it's funny how all of life's hurts seem to hurt as if you've never felt pain before. i'm beginning to notice how these past two years have changed me. i feel like an abused puppy; hesitant and distrusting. i think seeing these changes hurts worse than the pain that caused it.

i really think i hate you.

"like the sun and the moon..."

"...i will circle you til you bloom."

regardless of everything, i'm feeling pretty great. i don't think i've ever recovered faster. i don't think i've ever been more proud. i'm finding all the pieces of myself that i left behind. marilyn monroe was right, sometimes good things do fall apart so that better things can fall together.

i guess i should thank you for showing me exactly how life shouldn't be.

lucy in the sky with diamonds

i have never been so ready for whats next. tonight was the perfect night. my life starts now.




"and everything is going to the beat."


my heart is singing right now
the past is burning out of me
like a fever
this cold is draining from my pores
and i've never been so satisfied
it's so perfect
nothing matters
just beats and blood and sweat
teeth grinding
music stretching from my ear
the past is burning out of me
let it scream out of every corner
i
've
never
been
more ready

don't look back

five days from today marks a new chapter in my life. there are many things from the past year and a half that i'd like to forget, but had it not been for those things i might not be as ready for my future. i've learned so much about myself and there's so much i can't wait to leave behind.

{i always thought i was a weak person... but i guess i must be strong to have made it this far without building a wall around my heart. i just don't understand how someone could not want to feel. yeah, life hurts, but it also feels so incredible! i could never give up that chance of happiness just to keep myself safe.}

i have a good feeling about this. (:

looking forward to:

1. moving back to Little Rock.

2. all the bffie time i could possibly want.

3. new job. (or two.)

4. new life.

5. starting school again.

6. working on opening an online boutique. (keep your eyes peeled.)

7. decorating my new apartment (:

my future work room <3