not the first, and not the worst

i could stay here, but i need a place to think. i need to get away, to be alone. i hate letting the people i know the best see me at my worst sometimes. maybe because i feel like it's getting old. and if you dont know me, you'll just assume i'm having a bad day. you won't know that this is a common thing.

and i hope you know it's not you, it's me.

but just my luck downtown is dead tonight. not near enough distractions. i swear there's a couples-only party by the river tonight or someone finding humor in jabbing fingers into my wounds. they seem so content like they've found everything they've been looking for. part of me feels sorry that they don't realize how fragile their situation is, yet i envy their blissful unawareness with every bone in my body.

you'd think by now i wouldn't be so easily swept up.
but when i'm happy im, oh so, happy.


i keep trying to focus on the bright side, at least someone new managed to bring my guard down; to let myself be so vulnerable. and experience tells me one day i won't even remember how this felt; what it was like to know you that way.


and i'm burning the only bridges left standing tonight;
desperate and wreckless.

tonight i'm wrapped up in the arms of a distraction, but all it's doing is reminding me that i'd much rather be some place else.

it's not you. it really has nothing to do with you. i'm just entirely disfunctional. but, again, somehow every hurt seems more painfull than the last and, honestly, i'm just tired. it feels like i'm running in circles; i'm sick of ending up here and , yes, maybe it's normal, but maybe i'm not cut out for it.


i feel as if i may never get this right.

"i wish i had said more."

où en sommes-nous, vous et moi?

quiet little monsters creep into my head i'll fall for you i'll fall for you i'll fall for you i'll fall...

when once you had believed it,

now you see it's sucking you in
to string you along with the pretense...

Cloud, block out the sun

Over me, over me

And spoil, spoil all the fun

Won’t you please

i'm anxious and in the dark.

c'mon, shed some light on me.

hoping for the best, yet half expecting the worst.

i like where this is going.

And the heat is turned all the way to full
So don't pretend that you don't feel the pull.

;)

flustered

i tend to get ahead of myself.

like when your tongue moves faster than your brain

or you body moves faster than your feet

that's me

in a nutshell.