so caught up

lunar eclipse on a cloudy night
70 degrees on the first day of winter

that's my life... wrong place, wrong time. it's the winter solstice and all i can think is how much i miss july. trying so hard to be happy with what i'm given; with what's right in front of my face, but it's hard to be satisfied after being somewhere so much greater.

you're putting everyone to shame.

it's funny to see how i've grown and a changed over the years. still slightly a mess and in progress, but so far from where i've been. i'm realizing how strong i am and i'm setting so many new goals with such high hopes. i imagine 10 years from now i'll look back and feel even more a stranger to who i am now.


{But what do you do when you're out of touch, what do you do?
And how do you live with a conscience so caught up, how do you live?}

but my heart told my head

"this time no."

i just can't seem to find my feet this time.

ill never tell you of all the different ways you make me so afraid

you're starting to make me nervous.

please, dont let this be a waste of time.

in the midst of winter, i found there was, within me, and invincible summer.

woke up and walked through downtown in the cold and remembered just how much i love this season. it's like the chill in the air brings everyone closer.

ice skating is in my near future.

'cause we can give it time, so much time

"To be interested in the changing seasons is a happier state of mind than to be hopelessly in love with spring." -George Santayana

i've always liked the idea of comparing life to the changing of seasons or feelings to waves in an ocean. things are always up and down and back and forth. in the past, it's been hard for me to accept those changes and not let them shake up my world. i've always been hopelessly in love with spring.

sometimes i think the key is to hold oneself back, to not let those highs get to high, but i've never been good at that either and what a sad way to live. afraid of the fall.

Say this is it
Don't say maybeDon't say no
Don't say hold onDon't say slow
Don't say next timeDon't say when
Don't say later
No, don't say then

Yeah, this is it
Don't be cautiousDon't think twice
Don't play it safeDon't put on ice
Don't chew it over
No, don't kick it around
Don't wait and seeDon't try to work it out

So don't tell me
It could all go wrong

No don't tell me
It could all be a mess

Oh, don't tell me
It could all be a waste of time

or you'll never know...