Wednesday, January 28, 2009

"this melancholy holds me down"

"i tend to be
stuck in minor key
then pale melancholy
holds me down
but luckily
you are so dear to me
in your charity
i go home"

for the past six years i've been running from something that i can't escape; myself. i've been searching high and low for an answer, a solution, but it always finds me. at times i'm so positive and motivated and i know that i can do anything, but before i know it i've been knocked down once again and there's no one around to blame. as cliche as it sounds, i am my own worst enemy. i hate how sensitive and co-dependent i am. i thrive off of the approval of others and if i don't see it then i crash. it's sad to think that i can't love myself unless someone else is loving me too. i don't want to be that person. i never wanted to be.

it feel as if part of me is that confident outgoing girl and the other half is just this pitiful self-loathing fraction of a person. i don't want to be percieved as some sort of suicidal debbie-downer. that's not me. i just feel like i have so much frustration built up inside of me and no one to let it out. depression is a disease and i want to find the rememedy.

i miss alot of someones and somethings.

"i’m so sorry

this melancholy
holds me down."

i promise from now on my blogging will be much more positive. :)

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

on second thought

i'm done letting silly things get to me and putting all of my energy into things and people that don't deserve it. i think it's time i start being a little selfish and really focusing on what makes me happiest. i've realized so many things about myself this year and the people i surround myself with and there are a few things that i don't like; i need to make some changes.
"i believe that everything happens for a reason. people change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so that eventally you learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
i'm done.
i'm ready to move on.

said the paper to the pen

"there's no poetry between us and i get nothing for my trouble but the ink beneath my skin."
something's burning in the attic
that her tonge cannot defend.
there's so much that i want to say to you, but i can't. the words can't find there way out of my mouth. i'm tired of caring. i'm tired of trying. i'm tired of pretending. i meant everything i've said. if you needed, i would be there in a heartbeat. i'm sick of making priorities and only being an option.
i need something i just wish i knew what it was.
it's like there are oceans between me and everything else.