"this melancholy holds me down"

"i tend to be

stuck in minor key

then pale melancholy

holds me down

but luckily

you are so dear to me

in your charity

i go home"

for the past six years i've been running from something that i can't escape; myself. i've been searching high and low for an answer, a solution, but it always finds me. at times i'm so positive and motivated and i know that i can do anything, but before i know it i've been knocked down once again and there's no one around to blame. as cliche as it sounds, i am my own worst enemy. i hate how sensitive and co-dependent i am. i thrive off of the approval of others and if i don't see it then i crash. it's sad to think that i can't love myself unless someone else is loving me too. i don't want to be that person. i never wanted to be.

it feel as if part of me is that confident outgoing girl and the other half is just this pitiful self-loathing fraction of a person. i don't want to be percieved as some sort of suicidal debbie-downer. that's not me. i just feel like i have so much frustration built up inside of me and no one to let it out. depression is a disease and i want to find the rememedy.

i miss alot of someones and somethings.

"i’m so sorry

this melancholy

holds me down."

i promise from now on my blogging will be much more positive. :)